Just a few thoughts
So it's been 4 weeks since I've been back here on the African Mercy. There have been good days and not so good days. But I can tell that I have been prayed for and that God is looking out for me. But this week has been a little harder for me. There have been multiple times that I wish I could text or call daddy and talk with him about things. Some silly...some serious. It's hard not being able to pick up the phone and text him.
That all being said.... Tonight it kinda all came crashing down. Being honest here...with mommy's passing I became mad at God. How could a loving God take my mother away when I was only 15? I needed her! Don't worry God and I worked that out...but feelings have started to come back. How could God take my daddy? My sounding board, my encourager, my biggest fan, the person I turned to when I needed help, needed to talk, the one who I told the good and bad too, my support person. Not only did God take him from me, it happened while I was away. I hadn't hugged him/seen him in person for 4 months before he passed. Now I am back where I heard the news. And the feelings of being mad at God have started to come back almost unconsciously and this week is when I started to realize it.
But tonight it all came crashing down. Don't you love how God almost has to hit you over the head sometimes for you to get something. I can say over and over again how I can see God working through daddy's death. How God provided for me while I was on the African Mercy and getting home. But again sometimes I have to get "hit" over for it to really sink in...and tonight it did. During church tonight, we were singing a couple of songs that really did bring to light now good God has been to me. And that I need to praise him for that.
The first song that hit me was "How Great is Our God". He is great and mighty. The darkness tries to hide and trembles at his voice. The darkness that is trying to cover me with daddy's passing and make me doubt in God is trying to hide because of him. How can I be mad at a God who is like that?
The other song that stuck out to me was "Do it Again" by Elevation worship. I'm attaching it so you guys can listen to it also.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0B_lnQIITxU
The point that really stuck out to me is
That all being said.... Tonight it kinda all came crashing down. Being honest here...with mommy's passing I became mad at God. How could a loving God take my mother away when I was only 15? I needed her! Don't worry God and I worked that out...but feelings have started to come back. How could God take my daddy? My sounding board, my encourager, my biggest fan, the person I turned to when I needed help, needed to talk, the one who I told the good and bad too, my support person. Not only did God take him from me, it happened while I was away. I hadn't hugged him/seen him in person for 4 months before he passed. Now I am back where I heard the news. And the feelings of being mad at God have started to come back almost unconsciously and this week is when I started to realize it.
But tonight it all came crashing down. Don't you love how God almost has to hit you over the head sometimes for you to get something. I can say over and over again how I can see God working through daddy's death. How God provided for me while I was on the African Mercy and getting home. But again sometimes I have to get "hit" over for it to really sink in...and tonight it did. During church tonight, we were singing a couple of songs that really did bring to light now good God has been to me. And that I need to praise him for that.
The first song that hit me was "How Great is Our God". He is great and mighty. The darkness tries to hide and trembles at his voice. The darkness that is trying to cover me with daddy's passing and make me doubt in God is trying to hide because of him. How can I be mad at a God who is like that?
The other song that stuck out to me was "Do it Again" by Elevation worship. I'm attaching it so you guys can listen to it also.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0B_lnQIITxU
The point that really stuck out to me is
Your promise still stands
Great is Your faithfulness, faithfulness
I'm still in Your hands
This is my confidence, You've never failed me yet
I know the night won't last
Your Word will come to pass
My heart will sing Your praise again
Jesus, You're still enough
Keep me within Your love
My heart will sing Your praise again
I'm still in your hands. No matter what I do or if it's becoming mad at God...I'm still in His hands. Because he has never failed me yet. And my longing of my heart is to be able to sing God's praise again. But
So those are just a few of the thoughts rambling around in my head. Again I can't say thank you enough for the prayers and support that i have gotten from you all.
Blessings
Suzanne
And yes I know the font changed. I'm on daddy's tablet and it's about ready to drive me bonkers with everything so I'm not going to fight the font.
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